I am the mom to 3 minis, ages 5 and under. Yup. Wow. I feel like I spent 3 years straight
being pregnant. People used to joke that I was Bonnie from Family Guy. Always
pregnant. The great part about it is that they are some pretty decent kids when they
aren’t driving me bananas with all the screaming and crying. They are all super smart
and ridiculously adorable. Being a mom has taught me all kinds of stuff that I didn’t
know I didn’t know until it became a necessity for me to figure it out. The stuff you learn
while wearing the mom hat changes you for life. That quote from Eleanor Roosevelt is
so true: "A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in
hot water." Being a mom showed me how much pain I can tolerate, mentally and
physically; how well I can function on 3 hours of sleep, how many days I can go without
showering, and most importantly: how to stand up for myself so that I can stand up for
my minis. I’m outwardly tough now. I was always strong but now I can be hard and
calculating without an ounce of regret. I also will do it with a smile.
At the end of 2017, the hubby and I reached the 10 year milestone in our marriage. 15
years as a couple and 10 years married is a big accomplishment. So much so that he
wanted to have a big celebration. (The process of organizing an event like that requires
its own detailed reaction. If I keep blogging that will come up really soon.) I’ve been
married only once, to the same man for the last 10 years. There are lots of things that
people don’t tell you about marriage but it basically boils down to this: You have to
work to make it work. Nothing about being married has been easy. But a great deal of it
is extremely rewarding. We work well together and we do so because we put effort into
each other. We put effort into each other because we love each other. We learned how
to love each other from the Bible. The people we are now did not exist 10 years ago.
They were developed and that development took work. We had to have people
mediate. We had to trim the fat around our relationship, meaning we had to let go of
some toxic people. We had to and still do go to counseling. Not necessarily because
something is wrong, but as a way to prevent crazy stuff from turning into marital cancer.
We also are constantly adapting. Turning into new and better versions of ourselves each
day. The great thing about that is that we can keep growing and evolving this way for
many more decades, as long as we keep putting in the work.
I was a school teacher for 8 years. Oh the stories I could tell! I will sum up by saying just
a few things: There is no amount of convincing anyone could do to get me back in a
classroom. There are lots of people who parent well and there are lots of other people
who don’t. Just because you have the credentials to be in charge of stuff doesn’t mean
that you should be in charge. Bad bosses will ruin their employees just like a rotten
apple spoils the bunch. Also underpaying people, stifling creativity, and discouraging
feedback are not conducive to healthy work environments. That’s all I have to say about
that right now.
Many people have friends that they’ve know for a really long time, possibly people that
they grew up with. Yeah, I don’t. I had one friend that made it to adulthood and then
she stopped being what I would consider a true friend and that relationship ended. I
made some friends during middle school that I still keep in touch with. I have some
friends that I made in my adult life that I keep in touch with. I do not have any friends
that I need to talk to everyday. I consider people friends that check on me. They don’t
have to do it everyday… but they check on me. Not my kids, not my husband, not the
house, not anything else…ME. They care about other stuff but they definitely ask how
I’m doing and check on me before digging into the day to day dramas. People who are
my friends say prayers for me and they let me know if I’m not doing a good job taking
care of me. I spend lots of time taking care of and checking on other people, it provides
balance when I have people who check on me. My Grannie says all the time that your
circle of friends changes as your life changes. That has definitely been true for me.
American Citizen/Closet Activist
In the next few years I am more than likely going to become more active in my
community as a way to safe guard my family from things that I see as issues. There are
so many… Primarily, I plan to focus on education, nutrition, fine arts and racial equality. I
have some very strong views on all of that stuff. What I will say right now is that those
views are MY views. As with lots of things that have happened since marriage, people
tend to think that because my husband is more vocal and articulate about his views,
that he has “made me” believe or act in a certain way. So not true. I think and act in
ways that I deem appropriate. He has influence over ideas that I have, just as I have
influence over ideas that he may have. Things like that tend to happen when you share a
life together. That being said, I can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do just
like he can’t make me do anything that I don’t want to do. The issues I am focusing on
are going to make us look pretty weird as a family but I have learned that there is very
little about “normal” that appeals to me.
Why does it matter?
It doesn’t. If what I thought mattered, people would ask my opinion. People rarely ask my
opinion. I used to offer it unsolicited but that didn’t go over well. It also opens you up to hearing
other people’s opinions. Kinda can’t say no when you just forced your thoughts on them. I’m not
sharing my thoughts because I want people to say something back. I’m not sharing because I
think I’m always right or interesting or whatever else. I’m sharing because I realized there is a
story behind every picture. Many times people will look at a picture and think, “Awe they have
such a nice life.” The picture captures that one moment, one millisecond. It doesn’t tell how
those people got to that point or what happened to them afterwards. So this whole thing is my
way of sharing one perspective to give some type of depth to the photo.
These are the thoughts of a grown ass man from Houston, TX.